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Golf Maintenance procedures, Much To Do About Nothing, Westchester Golf Course

10-31-18 Annual Halloween Mystery

Last week I got a call that a crime has been committed.  It seems that MY leaves from the Golf Course trees have been deposited on a neighbor’s patio.  This crime happens every year to this woman.  It does not seem to affect anyone else in the condo complex, just her.

I believe I must install security cameras to catch the culprit in the act.  I have instructed MY trees to drop their leaves only on our property.  Since they are very compliant with my demands (except for one which I will get to later) there must be an outside evil entity causing MY tree leaf deposits to be transported off their designated landing zone to another location.  I have yet to see the perpetrator of the crime although I have seen evidence that they are at work.

Over the years (30) working on golf courses there has always been evidence that a strange phenomenon takes place where lightweight items mysteriously get moved.  I have actually witnessed this myself where leaves and even trash that are perfectly content sitting in a group just jump up in the air and are violently pushed to another location, quite often forever displaced from their friends. I have actually witnessed leaves being thrust into the air as high as 140 or 150 feet just to be released and cascade to the ground and strewn in a haphazardly manner. I have actually seen evidence that the evil entity takes MY leaves and thrusts them into ponds at which time they never seem to regain the ability to get back to the group and succumb to a slow demise.  I have just never been able to see the mysterious entity that causes such violent displacements, just the object’s movements.

I have observed that MY displaced leaves do not follow any consistent pattern when they are moved.  (I may have to enlist the help of an expert in Chaos Theory.)  At times they flock together in tight clusters.  Then at other times they travel like a heard of pack animals scattered in a wide array as if they were being chased and trying to evade a predator. Occasionally, I see the invisible entity exerting its force and moving just one lone leaf for hundreds of yards just to abandon the chase and leaving it undisturbed for weeks or months.

The one thing that I have never been able to get my trees to comply with is my demand that they all drop their leaves at the same time.  I am confused with insubordinate independence.  MY trees work closely with one another at all other times providing shade, converting carbon dioxide to oxygen, preventing soil erosion.  And yet, they have refused to drop their leaves at the same moment so I may be able to scoop them up to safety before this invisible entity violently and without regard to leaf welfare perpetrates the crime of depositing them to my neighbor’s patio.

I have been in contact with other superintendents who have also witnessed the entity’s work.  They too see leaves being moved about but have not seen the entity.  But not one of them has had any reports of the patio deposit crime.

I am afraid to call the authorities.  If I filed a report that there is an invisible entity at hand moving leaves from my property to another, they may not take me seriously.  I believe they would be required to investigate.  At that time when I called for a break-in or vandalism they would be unable to come to my aid in a timely fashion because they would be trying to locate the invisible entity.  I must therefore install the security cameras to assist the authorities in catching the evil entity in the act.  By doing so I would be aiding the world in ridding a scourge to humanity.

What I fear most is that the entity is very mobile.  I live about ten miles away from the course.  I have seen the evidence of the entity moving my neighbor’s leaves and piling them onto my back deck and front sidewalk.  At which time I go out, gather these leaves and deposit them in a lawn and garden bag for safety.  And every other week I place these bags at the curb where a truck comes by and picks them up.  They are grouped together with other displaced leaves and taken to a safe place where they can live out the rest of their lives with their friends.


Happy Autumn

Mark Novotny CGCS


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One thought on “10-31-18 Annual Halloween Mystery

  1. Every year I hear ya sir! Your a trip! Find out bud because we all need to know!


    Posted by Darden | November 1, 2018, 11:56 am

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